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12.12.2005 -
Imagine going
to an airport to pick up a guest you have never met before. You go to
the arrivals gate and wait there with all the others who are doing the
same. Some are holding up signs, some are holding balloons and welcome
signs. Some don't look too happy about it. Then you look at the board
and see "landing" announced. This is when your heart starts beating
with anticipation. Your guest arrives and you take her home. On this
occasion our guest will be staying with us for about twenty years. Eva
"landed" on the 2nd of December. This may seem like a strange way of
looking at it to you but not to me. I have a twenty year old who has
just left home (the departures lounge). He is his own person. All we
did as parents was to look after him. He was in effect, a guest. Of
course we are biologically related and share some genes but he has his
own soul and no-one knows or can tell me where it comes from or where
it will go. I don't feel I have any responsibility with his soul. But
I can always love him and still give him advice or anything he might
ask for that I might have to give. Some say they never leave. (I must
go round to my mum's place for more of those cookies).
Eva is no different. I remember too well the feeling of looking at my
newborn babies (six times) and thinking I would be with them for ever.
In reality it's about twelve years because before they actually leave
you they are preparing for it. Boys think their parents suck at 13 and
can't think of anything better than to be apart (until they actually
try it, only to come running come). Girls at that age will only like
you if you pay for it. Shopping works. Temporarily. I am laughing
while I write this because although this is a very serious subject it
still amuses me. I love all my kids (20, 19, 13, 11, 2 and one week)
so much and would do anything for them but it doesn't necessarily work
the other way. We as parents shouldn't expect it to either. One thing
I will say is children don't forget anything either consciously or
unconsciously. If you were cool with them and they didn't notice it at
the time, they will remember later on and you might get something
back. But this works the other way too. I can testify to this theory
both ways.
I don't pretend to know everything there is to know about parenting
but all I have are my experiences which I am sharing with you. I know
a lot of you are parents which interests me because sometimes I
haven't got a clue how to do this. Please excuse my rambling because
sometimes I forget that this is a website and its topic is my career
with music. Not life, my philosophy, childbirth, cooking and the
universe. I get carried away sometimes because the more I write these
newsletters the more I feel I am writing to a friend or someone who
knows me so well we don't need to talk about my career.
What career? Right now I am in limbo which I see as a blessing. There
is no work and I am home. This couldn't have come at a better time
especially with Eva's birth. (I hope there won't be a hurricane named
after her. It's not unlikely). But on a more serious note, I am not
working at the moment other than looking at Fourth Wall a bit every
now and then which is ongoing but I don't think of this as work
because it's something that's coming from deep inside of me. Work is
being away from my family and working for others. I don't really get
paid for my music, or certainly don't make enough to balance the
budget (you don't want to know what my overheads are!!!). So in
effect, right now, I am out of work. Guess what... I love it and I am
not afraid one bit. I am fortunate now to recognise the important
things in life and the concept of "work" has gone down the charts.
Family has gone up and my own belief in music is climbing. There are
some new entries, re-entries and some have vanished completely. I will
let you make your own analogies which aren't hard to figure out. But
let's look deeper into this subject. Success is not all it's cracked
out to be. I know people who are literally scraping pennies together
to get by in life who are very happy or content. I also know people
who are extremely successful (" ") who are miserable. So what is it
then? If I could articulate this or had an answer I would surely be on
the New York Times best seller list or the next Deepak Chopra (if
Oprah Winfrey were married to Deepak Chopra she'd be called Oprah
Chopra. I just had to get that in there). But I don't. I am still a
musician (trust me...) and every day I am at the beginning. Every time
I pick up my guitar I know nothing. What I can do is make slow steps
towards making a better sound and being a better musician. After years
of doing this I am probably more advanced than most but this is a
struggle. This is my struggle. If only I could apply these principles
in all my affairs I would be more "successful". I am a student and
always will be. Right now I have a blank canvas in front of me and I
must say it is the best feeling in the world.
To be fair I do have a cushion. One of the perks of working the way I
do is to enjoy the freedom to express myself and pursue what I believe
in. I see this not only as a privilege but a duty. Doing these long
tours buys me time. Literally. I don't have to stack shelves in a
supermarket to get by. But guess what? I absolutely would if I had to
and proudly. Some of you may think it's easy for me to be
philosophical when there is security. My response would be more to do
with emotional security which will eventually make you wealthier
beyond your wildest dreams. I am not there yet but I am on my way.
Enough. Back to reality. This website has been going for TWO YEARS. My
God, has it been that long already? I would like to take this
opportunity to openly thank Dave and Wendy for keeping it together.
They have done a fantastic job with it. I know now that this website
is seen as a benchmark to many people, some who are in very high
places. We don't have any gimmick because we don't need one. No moving
flashy animation with nothing behind it. I have seen some impressive
musician sites that are no more informative than The Enquirer or Hello
magazine because they tell me nothing about the person. What we have
is unique and I am pleased to say the way it looks, feels, tastes,
sounds etc absolutely reflects who I am. It doesn't make me out to be
anyone I am not. We are doing well here. I am particularly proud of
the "clientele". I like every one of you and love having you on board
and it is all of you who have made this site what it is. I am forever
grateful to you for allowing me to express myself openly.
Now that we are coming up to 2006 Dave, Wendy and I have been talking
about making a few changes or adjustments. When I was a teenager I
didn't have access to some of the guitarists I aspired to or had no
way of contacting them. Now we live in a time where we can do that. I
can't think of one reason why I wouldn't interact with anyone who
asked me a question about how I do what I do. I am fortunate to be in
a position of some influence to many aspiring guitarists so this is
still a priority for me. I am providing something that wasn't provided
to me. Why? Because I can. I was telling Dave and Wendy that the "Ask
Dominic" feature is my favourite because this is when I feel I am
really achieving something useful. So I think we are going to put more
emphasis on this feature. I would like to invite you to encourage your
kids, friends or whoever to not be shy and ask me anything they want
to know about how I do what I do and why (should they be interested).
I always take these questions seriously. The better the question the
more in depth the answer. If I get asked a silly question I tend to
either ignore it or give a silly response. Mostly I receive good,
intelligent questions or even comments I find useful. But
unfortunately I get some emails from people who always ask silly
questions and some from people who write things that are totally
irrelevant to this site. These ones I don't even open if I know where
they come from because I really don't have the time for it. So for
those of you who don't get a response to these kind of emails, the
answer is because they are never opened. Dave and Wendy also tend to
receive a lot of irrelevant and nuisance emails because of their
involvement with the site and they have exactly the same approach.
Finally, I would like to wish you all a VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND NEW
YEAR. I hope you liked the little card with music. Thank you all so
much for being with me all the time. You have no idea how much this
means to me.
Love,
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